Friday 22 July 2016
Friday 27 May 2016
Wednesday 3 February 2010
Why Do Women Have Erotic Rape Fantasies?
A recent analysis of 20 studies over the last 30 years indicates that between 31% and 57% of women have rape fantasies, and these fantasies are frequent or preferred in 9% to 17% of women. Considering that many people are ashamed to report rape fantasies, these stats are most likely lowball figures.
In my personal experience, most women really appreciate subtle to moderate domination in the bedroom?a little forceful restraint, a little pain?as long as they feel safe. I had one girlfriend who wanted me to call her a slut, but that was pushing my boundaries. Though I didn't mind calling her naughty, etc., for expressing pleasure at whatever I was doing to her. The whole "you shouldn't like this but I know you do" routine. She explained that sexuality was taboo in her household growing up. So pretending that she was being corrupted by someone else freed her to go along with the illicit activities and indulge in her repressed desires. Not all of our play followed this narrative, but when it did, the temperature rose.
Research into rape fantasies hasn't been particularly well publicized. Many people don't want to acknowledge that women have them, for fear that the news will incite or excuse real rape: "See? Women want it after all!" But I follow the Kinsey line that it's better to study the disturbing parts of human sexuality than to keep them in the dark.
So do Joseph Critella and Jenny Bivona, the researchers at the University of North Texas who published the meta-analysis mentioned above in the Journal of Sex Research in January. They combined 20 studies and a whole field of theory to evaluate eight potential explanations for women's rape fantasies. Some of the explanations overlap with each other, and others mutually contradict. Here's a summary:
?Masochism - The idea that women desire suffering. Women who engage in masochistic sex are more likely to have rape fantasies, but the great majority of women with rape fantasies do not want real rape. Accordingly, masochism may only apply to a small group of women.
?Sexual Blame Avoidance - (See my ex, above.) Women are socialized to not seek out sex lest they be considered tramps, but if they're having sex against their will they can avoid guilt. Studies comparing sexual repression to rape fantasies are mixed and overall don't support the explanation, but they may have been using wrong metrics; sexually repressed women have fewer fantasies overall but they might have a higher ratio of rape fantasies. In any case, this theory would only apply to some women.
?Openness to Sexual Experience - In some ways this is the opposite of the last one, and it doesn't explain rape fantasies so much as it describes the type of person to have them. If you're sexually open, you entertain a greater variety of fantasies. As one study described rape fantasy among these women, it's "just one more expression of a generally open, positive, unrestrictive, and relatively guilt-free expression of one's sexuality."
?Desirabilty - Many women like to believe that they're so attractive that men cannot resist the urge to overtake them. The evidence for this theory is suggestive but not yet conclusive. I did cover a study in Psychology Today last year indicating that women with attachment anxiety (neediness) have more sexual fantasies featuring submission.
?Male Rape Culture - Some have argued that women have been conditioned to buy into men's fantasies of domination. But the prevalence of rape fantasies has not changed much in recent decades, even as gender roles have.
?Biological Predisposition to Surrender - In many mammalian species, the male must pursue and subdue the female in order to mate. Women may be programmed to surrender to the successful dominant male. Just like many other theories in evolutionary psychology, this one makes sense but has not been tested empirically. (Writer Tracie Egan hints at this explanation in her essay entitled "One Rape Please (To Go)" about hiring a male prostitute to play-rape her (which I recently saw her read live): "...as a girl, my equipment can be trickier to manage, therefore I need to be a boss in the bedroom to ensure I get worked the right way. [But] it gets really tiresome always being the one in charge...")
?Sympathetic Activation - The sympathetic nervous system becomes engaged in times of stress or danger, activating a fight or flight response marked by increased heart rate, respiration, pupil dilation, and genital arousal. Just like on a roller coaster, fear and excitement go hand in hand.
?Adversary Transformation - In one survey of romance novels (which tend to be written by and for women), the lead female character was raped in 54%. The male heroes are usually rugged warrior types and these books may illustrate a desire to "conquer the heart of the rapist" and tame him for marriage.
?Reaction to Trauma - This one is not mentioned in the paper, but Brett Kahr, a psychoanalyst who has conducted the largest survey of sexual fantasies ever, argues that most masturbatory fantasies are attempts to transform early difficult experiences into pleasure. So those who have been sexually abused may try to master their trauma by taming those experiences.
I asked Kahr whether it's unhealthy to entertain rape fantasies. "At one level, they pose little problem because they represent a highly normative part of female sexual fantasy," he said; many women have them, and most of these woman easily distinguish between reality and fantasy. But in some cases it may recapitulate forgotten abuse that hasn't been processed properly, or it may reflect masochistic tendencies. A woman should see a professional if she's troubled by her fantasies. Julie Shulman, a clinical psychology professor at Alliant International University who has studied rape fantasies [pdf] also told me "the sexual and emotional health of such engagement can differ greatly," and would like to see more research on the topic.
Should women share their rape fantasies with their partners? "Obviously, a loving, committed, sympathetic man would respond delicately and sensitively to such news," Kahr said, "but a more sadistic partner (with conscious or unconscious sadism towards a woman)" might use the information more destructively. "One must proceed cautiously."
I asked my friend Rachel Kramer Bussel, an editor at Penthouse who has written about rape fantasies for the Village Voice, whether she thought it was unhealthy to act them out with men. She said it's not unhealthy per se: "At the end of the day, the woman has control over it, and it can be hot to give yourself over completely to someone within that context knowing that you can trust them."
Rachel added that "it's probably a tricky fantasy for men, as that is something that's inculcated into them not to do." I covered a study supporting such inhibition in the April issue of Psychology Today; it showed that men are slower to recognize words associated with dominance (coerce, fierce, etc.) if they've been primed with sex-related words (climax, oral, etc.) Pretending to rape someone, Rachel says, is "a lot of responsibility to assume, and if you're dealing with a woman who does have a history of sexual abuse in her past, it's extra thorny."
In my personal experience, most women really appreciate subtle to moderate domination in the bedroom?a little forceful restraint, a little pain?as long as they feel safe. I had one girlfriend who wanted me to call her a slut, but that was pushing my boundaries. Though I didn't mind calling her naughty, etc., for expressing pleasure at whatever I was doing to her. The whole "you shouldn't like this but I know you do" routine. She explained that sexuality was taboo in her household growing up. So pretending that she was being corrupted by someone else freed her to go along with the illicit activities and indulge in her repressed desires. Not all of our play followed this narrative, but when it did, the temperature rose.
Research into rape fantasies hasn't been particularly well publicized. Many people don't want to acknowledge that women have them, for fear that the news will incite or excuse real rape: "See? Women want it after all!" But I follow the Kinsey line that it's better to study the disturbing parts of human sexuality than to keep them in the dark.
So do Joseph Critella and Jenny Bivona, the researchers at the University of North Texas who published the meta-analysis mentioned above in the Journal of Sex Research in January. They combined 20 studies and a whole field of theory to evaluate eight potential explanations for women's rape fantasies. Some of the explanations overlap with each other, and others mutually contradict. Here's a summary:
?Masochism - The idea that women desire suffering. Women who engage in masochistic sex are more likely to have rape fantasies, but the great majority of women with rape fantasies do not want real rape. Accordingly, masochism may only apply to a small group of women.
?Sexual Blame Avoidance - (See my ex, above.) Women are socialized to not seek out sex lest they be considered tramps, but if they're having sex against their will they can avoid guilt. Studies comparing sexual repression to rape fantasies are mixed and overall don't support the explanation, but they may have been using wrong metrics; sexually repressed women have fewer fantasies overall but they might have a higher ratio of rape fantasies. In any case, this theory would only apply to some women.
?Openness to Sexual Experience - In some ways this is the opposite of the last one, and it doesn't explain rape fantasies so much as it describes the type of person to have them. If you're sexually open, you entertain a greater variety of fantasies. As one study described rape fantasy among these women, it's "just one more expression of a generally open, positive, unrestrictive, and relatively guilt-free expression of one's sexuality."
?Desirabilty - Many women like to believe that they're so attractive that men cannot resist the urge to overtake them. The evidence for this theory is suggestive but not yet conclusive. I did cover a study in Psychology Today last year indicating that women with attachment anxiety (neediness) have more sexual fantasies featuring submission.
?Male Rape Culture - Some have argued that women have been conditioned to buy into men's fantasies of domination. But the prevalence of rape fantasies has not changed much in recent decades, even as gender roles have.
?Biological Predisposition to Surrender - In many mammalian species, the male must pursue and subdue the female in order to mate. Women may be programmed to surrender to the successful dominant male. Just like many other theories in evolutionary psychology, this one makes sense but has not been tested empirically. (Writer Tracie Egan hints at this explanation in her essay entitled "One Rape Please (To Go)" about hiring a male prostitute to play-rape her (which I recently saw her read live): "...as a girl, my equipment can be trickier to manage, therefore I need to be a boss in the bedroom to ensure I get worked the right way. [But] it gets really tiresome always being the one in charge...")
?Sympathetic Activation - The sympathetic nervous system becomes engaged in times of stress or danger, activating a fight or flight response marked by increased heart rate, respiration, pupil dilation, and genital arousal. Just like on a roller coaster, fear and excitement go hand in hand.
?Adversary Transformation - In one survey of romance novels (which tend to be written by and for women), the lead female character was raped in 54%. The male heroes are usually rugged warrior types and these books may illustrate a desire to "conquer the heart of the rapist" and tame him for marriage.
?Reaction to Trauma - This one is not mentioned in the paper, but Brett Kahr, a psychoanalyst who has conducted the largest survey of sexual fantasies ever, argues that most masturbatory fantasies are attempts to transform early difficult experiences into pleasure. So those who have been sexually abused may try to master their trauma by taming those experiences.
I asked Kahr whether it's unhealthy to entertain rape fantasies. "At one level, they pose little problem because they represent a highly normative part of female sexual fantasy," he said; many women have them, and most of these woman easily distinguish between reality and fantasy. But in some cases it may recapitulate forgotten abuse that hasn't been processed properly, or it may reflect masochistic tendencies. A woman should see a professional if she's troubled by her fantasies. Julie Shulman, a clinical psychology professor at Alliant International University who has studied rape fantasies [pdf] also told me "the sexual and emotional health of such engagement can differ greatly," and would like to see more research on the topic.
Should women share their rape fantasies with their partners? "Obviously, a loving, committed, sympathetic man would respond delicately and sensitively to such news," Kahr said, "but a more sadistic partner (with conscious or unconscious sadism towards a woman)" might use the information more destructively. "One must proceed cautiously."
I asked my friend Rachel Kramer Bussel, an editor at Penthouse who has written about rape fantasies for the Village Voice, whether she thought it was unhealthy to act them out with men. She said it's not unhealthy per se: "At the end of the day, the woman has control over it, and it can be hot to give yourself over completely to someone within that context knowing that you can trust them."
Rachel added that "it's probably a tricky fantasy for men, as that is something that's inculcated into them not to do." I covered a study supporting such inhibition in the April issue of Psychology Today; it showed that men are slower to recognize words associated with dominance (coerce, fierce, etc.) if they've been primed with sex-related words (climax, oral, etc.) Pretending to rape someone, Rachel says, is "a lot of responsibility to assume, and if you're dealing with a woman who does have a history of sexual abuse in her past, it's extra thorny."
Youngest prostitute
Child prostitution has always existed in history. Temple harlots were as young as six and seven; and in China boys as young as four years were trained "in the fine art of passive pederasty;" girl and boy brothels were common in the ancient world and in more modern times also. The Chinese boy prostitutes were sanctified by Tcheou-Wang, God of Sodomy. Without doubt the youngest prostitutes of all were the babies in the brothels of ancient Rome. It has been noted that "sucking babes" were introduced into the brothels. The Emperor Domitian was praised when he attempted to stamp out all forms of infant prostitution. In the Japanese Yoshiwara or Whores' Quarter, little girls were kept for fellatio. The high-status geishas, contrary to some imaginings, were only available for vaginal coitus.
Longest human clitoris
Clitoris size has only rarely been of importance in human society.
A few communities -- Ford and Beach mention the Easter Islanders -- have favoured the large clitoris and some natives have tried with varying degrees of success to enlarge this organ in their girls. For the most part however, with a prevailing indifference in the nineteenth-century and early part of the twentieth-century to sexual arousal in women, the clitoris has been neglected. Needless to say, it varies in size.
How big are the largest? Theo Lang in "The Difference Between a Man and a Woman" mentions one recorded instance of a woman having a clitoris 2 in. long, and 3 in. "when fully erect". Pomeroy has remarked that clitorises measuring more than 1 in. are very rare in whites, but may occur in 2 or 3 per cent of blacks "measurements of 3 in. and more were obtained from perhaps one out of 300 or 400 black women". Benjamin and Masters note in "The Prostitute in Society" that Parent-Duchalet came across a clitoris that measured 3.14 in.
The eighteenth-century Swiss biologist, Albrecht von Haller, is said to have come across a woman with a monstrous clitoris no less than 7 in. long. But the record clitoris is almost certainly the 12 in. specimen mentioned by various writers and quoted (without comment) by W. Francis Benedict in "The Sexual Anatomy of Women".
A few communities -- Ford and Beach mention the Easter Islanders -- have favoured the large clitoris and some natives have tried with varying degrees of success to enlarge this organ in their girls. For the most part however, with a prevailing indifference in the nineteenth-century and early part of the twentieth-century to sexual arousal in women, the clitoris has been neglected. Needless to say, it varies in size.
How big are the largest? Theo Lang in "The Difference Between a Man and a Woman" mentions one recorded instance of a woman having a clitoris 2 in. long, and 3 in. "when fully erect". Pomeroy has remarked that clitorises measuring more than 1 in. are very rare in whites, but may occur in 2 or 3 per cent of blacks "measurements of 3 in. and more were obtained from perhaps one out of 300 or 400 black women". Benjamin and Masters note in "The Prostitute in Society" that Parent-Duchalet came across a clitoris that measured 3.14 in.
The eighteenth-century Swiss biologist, Albrecht von Haller, is said to have come across a woman with a monstrous clitoris no less than 7 in. long. But the record clitoris is almost certainly the 12 in. specimen mentioned by various writers and quoted (without comment) by W. Francis Benedict in "The Sexual Anatomy of Women".
Largest human penis
We all know that men are supposed to worry endlessly about penis size. In popular mythology a small organ is still thought to signal a totally inadequate lover. All the best books tell us that this idea is absurd but nonetheless the notion persists.
What can we say of penis size? How big is the biggest? One problem is who is to do the measuring. If men measure their own organs they are likely to exaggerate the results: it is not an area in which there are abundant objective surveys. And women too may exaggerate the size of a particular penis in their acquaintance
Walter (of My Secret Life) demonstrated this clearly enough: a woman spoke of a penis as being 7-in. long or even more - yet the "very large penis" measured by Walter turned out to be significantly less than 7 in. According to Wardell B. Pomeroy, the Kinsey co-worker, the longest penis encountered was ten inches. This figure accords quite well with the results of the special Forum survey into penis size. In this careful and detailed survey, published in 1970, the largest penis was found to be 9? in. in erection, hardly able to compete with the vast organs of pornographic fiction.
In an earlier inter-racial survey, Dr. Jacobus's 1935 publication - "L'Ethnologie du Sens Genitale", larger dimensions were recorded. In this survey, organs nearly 12 in. in length are reported. Of all penis sizes quoted in the literature the largest is unquestionably the 14 in. erect organ mentioned by Dr. David Reuben in "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex". But as no source is quoted perhaps we should not take too much notice of this figure. The largest well attested penises would seem to be between ten and twelve inches in the erect state.
What can we say of penis size? How big is the biggest? One problem is who is to do the measuring. If men measure their own organs they are likely to exaggerate the results: it is not an area in which there are abundant objective surveys. And women too may exaggerate the size of a particular penis in their acquaintance
Walter (of My Secret Life) demonstrated this clearly enough: a woman spoke of a penis as being 7-in. long or even more - yet the "very large penis" measured by Walter turned out to be significantly less than 7 in. According to Wardell B. Pomeroy, the Kinsey co-worker, the longest penis encountered was ten inches. This figure accords quite well with the results of the special Forum survey into penis size. In this careful and detailed survey, published in 1970, the largest penis was found to be 9? in. in erection, hardly able to compete with the vast organs of pornographic fiction.
In an earlier inter-racial survey, Dr. Jacobus's 1935 publication - "L'Ethnologie du Sens Genitale", larger dimensions were recorded. In this survey, organs nearly 12 in. in length are reported. Of all penis sizes quoted in the literature the largest is unquestionably the 14 in. erect organ mentioned by Dr. David Reuben in "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex". But as no source is quoted perhaps we should not take too much notice of this figure. The largest well attested penises would seem to be between ten and twelve inches in the erect state.
The Perfect Penis Size According To Women
If you have questioned the phrase ?Does size matter?? then you may have wondered if you are of adequate size. The fact is size DOES matter when it comes to the size of your penis and how women feel about it.
The size of the average penis is about 6 inches which may make you happy or depressed depending on how you measure up. Most women are very content with the 6 inch penis because typically it is not always the length that is as important. Many women say that it doesn?t always matter what the length is, because the girth is just as important. Many women feel generally that 6 to 7 inches is very normal for men and that it does provide enjoyment and pleasure in sex. However, women are much more thrilled when they see a penis that is at least 5 inches in girth.
Most women squeal with delight if the girth is about 6 inches, and although it is a bit above the norm, it is not unusual to find. That one inch makes an incredible difference when it comes to the overall enjoyment while having sex. If you aren?t quite that large in diameter it doesn?t mean that you should forego sex for the rest of your life. The fact that you know what women want now is just the beginning.
There are many things you can do to enhance the girth of your penis. There are many supplements that you can take that will give you the bigger penis that you want, often in less time then even the product tells you. For a hassle free way to get a larger penis there are Extenze pills. In just a matter of weeks you will have a bigger penis to satisfy your partner. Another supplement that is making men and women very happy are Semenax Pills. This will give you a much harder erection which will make for some out of this world orgasms for both you and your partner. Lastly, you have the small patch that you can wear anywhere you go. You merely place it on your body so that it is hidden under your clothes where it slowly pumps a unique blend of herbs into your body that helps to increase the size of your penis.
You no longer have to be content with a smaller penis size. Even by doing penis exercises you can gain more inches in the girth of your penis as well as better control. With these exercises you can have better erections that you have more power over. The next time you have sexual intercourse you will not only please your partner, but you will have the benefit of more pleasure yourself.
To further explore the area of penis enlargement and male orgasm enhancement, you may visit two sites that we recommend: Semenax and Extenze, both of which have substantial positive track records of success.
The size of the average penis is about 6 inches which may make you happy or depressed depending on how you measure up. Most women are very content with the 6 inch penis because typically it is not always the length that is as important. Many women say that it doesn?t always matter what the length is, because the girth is just as important. Many women feel generally that 6 to 7 inches is very normal for men and that it does provide enjoyment and pleasure in sex. However, women are much more thrilled when they see a penis that is at least 5 inches in girth.
Most women squeal with delight if the girth is about 6 inches, and although it is a bit above the norm, it is not unusual to find. That one inch makes an incredible difference when it comes to the overall enjoyment while having sex. If you aren?t quite that large in diameter it doesn?t mean that you should forego sex for the rest of your life. The fact that you know what women want now is just the beginning.
There are many things you can do to enhance the girth of your penis. There are many supplements that you can take that will give you the bigger penis that you want, often in less time then even the product tells you. For a hassle free way to get a larger penis there are Extenze pills. In just a matter of weeks you will have a bigger penis to satisfy your partner. Another supplement that is making men and women very happy are Semenax Pills. This will give you a much harder erection which will make for some out of this world orgasms for both you and your partner. Lastly, you have the small patch that you can wear anywhere you go. You merely place it on your body so that it is hidden under your clothes where it slowly pumps a unique blend of herbs into your body that helps to increase the size of your penis.
You no longer have to be content with a smaller penis size. Even by doing penis exercises you can gain more inches in the girth of your penis as well as better control. With these exercises you can have better erections that you have more power over. The next time you have sexual intercourse you will not only please your partner, but you will have the benefit of more pleasure yourself.
To further explore the area of penis enlargement and male orgasm enhancement, you may visit two sites that we recommend: Semenax and Extenze, both of which have substantial positive track records of success.
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